Why does it have to hurt?


   Ya know.. if there's one thing we all get to experience on this planet..
it's pain.  We all get to deal with it from probably before birth.  It's not
something we can easily get away from.  Oh yes.. we can take drugs to soften
or aleve it for awhile.. but much pain is rather persistant.. It just keeps
on coming back.. and we can't seem to stop it.
   But one of the biggest troubles of today's world isn't finding a way out
of pain.. but finding a way to take the pain we need to take.  Pain, in
itself, is not bad.  It is more of an informant than anything else -- letting
us know about damage we've suffered.. or maybe that we're holding onto
something that has its hooks in us, and it hurts enough to get the hooks
pulled out that we'd rather just leave the hooks in and suffer a little bit
at a time.. over a long period..  than suffer sharp, intense, momentary pain
and get it over and finished with.  The problem is.. as any doctor or nurse
will tell you (or most good ones anyway).. if you have a growth beneath the
skin.. inside your body.. or have a malfunctioning organ that needs operating
on... it's not too often that you can simply experience a small amount of
nagging pain and have the trouble obliterated from your life.  Instead.. an
operation must take place.. and though you might not feel anything while
under the anesthesia, you will most likely be in a large amount of pain from
the invasiveness of the operation.
   And this is what I'm trying to get at.  I know.. personally.. BELIEVE me..
how nasty it can be to handle it when others tell us we're wrong about this
or that.  From simple emotional confusion.. to thinking, "How ***DARE*** they
speak to me like that!  Don't they know I already have all the answers I'll
ever need??  Don't they realize how much I've studied this and how much I
know???"  I know very well how tough it can be to accept "being wrong"..
especially when your mind and soul is invested deeply into what you're doing.
It is a very humbling experience that isn't all that enjoyable -- and what
*humbling* experience *is* enjoyable?  But I've been learning a lot about why
we have so many problems with this.. especially here in the West.. where we
are so financially blessed.
   I know how a lot of you are feeling.  I know how you have been hurt by
your parents... And not just once.. but many times.. and I'm not talking
about legitimately punished.  I'm talking about when they out-and-out talk
like they're king-of-the-mountain and treat you like dirt.. making you feel
like you *are* dirt.  I've had my own troubles with this.. and though nowhere
near as bad as many kids have today.. I can tell you.. the troubles and pain
were just as real.  I know how much it hurts to walk into your home.. and
wonder if the person who's supposed to love you and help you the most to grow
into an adult.. ends up threatening to throw you out of the house because you
hadn't applied for college scholarships.  I know what it's like to have my
mom go live in a place for mentally ill people.. and have my dad taunt me
that I should go and live with her.  The wounds are still there.. and though
I have gotten over much of them.. (thanks to God's help).. they are still
very real.  And.. because of wounds like these.. I grew so stubborn that I
refused (to a point anyway) to listen to the gentleness of correction which I
so needed to hear.. in order to grow up and become all that God wanted me to
be.  I hated correction so much.  I couldn't stand it.. cuz it always
reminded me of my childhood.. and how so many times I had been pummeled with
words and ideas.. rather than having them gently administered to my heart and
life.
   And the pain doesn't have to come from the family.  Many people have the
same problems dealing with those in a workplace or even a church.  They get
pummeled so much by facts.. rather than ministered to by a servantlike
tenderhearted person.. that they grow to *hate* *ANY* correction of *any*
sort.
   It's so easy to let happen.  It happens all by itself.. with very little
help on our parts.  We grow to hate the pain of correction so much.. that
even when it *is* administered gently, we can only hear those hundreds or
thousands of times in past years that we were attacked rather than assisted..
and simply cannot *begin* to see the real love which is in the hearts of
those who are *indeed* bringing gentle correction.
   And then there's the other side -- that of the correc*tor*.  Often.. if a
person as a child happened to encounter a lot of nasty rebuff when trying to
correct a friend or sibling.. or maybe even a superior.. then the person will
have what I understand to be called a "chip on their shoulder".. or a need to
fight everyone who comes against him/her in any way.  The corrector will
assume a stance of such "power-filled" superiority.. that only a baseball bat
the size of New England will make a dent in the corrector's armor.  They hold
onto what *they* have learned.. and what *they* know.. because.. though they
know they can be wrong.. they were right *so many times* in the past.. but
attacked and belittled anyway.. that they have to fight against the people
from the past.... and the only way to do that is to simply hold onto their
own wrong ideas so tightly that they are mostly either hated (by those who
can't stand their attitude) or worshipped (by those who want to be blind
sheep.. who refuse to think and just let someone lead them anywhichway,
choosing a person such *as* this corrector.. who will tell them "all they
need to know").
   Ya see.. what I'm trying to say is.. we all have pains.. and we all need
help to get over and through them.  So often.. because the people around us
don't grow as fast as we think they should.. and aren't "punching the clock"
by our timesheet.. we get impatient.. and act "superior".. like we're better
than them.. and we refuse to even *begin* to show the patience to them that
God has shown to us.  Yes.. God is the person we need to run to more than to
our friends.. but.. often God *will* use a friend or two to help us hear what
He has to say.  So we can't be so belittling like some people are.. looking
down on one another's growth and judging it as so poor.. when, in fact, they
are not only growing quickly.. beneath the surface.. but.. may be going as
fast as they are personally able.. or know how to.
   I think it's very poignant that the first word Paul uses to describe love
in 1 Cor 13 is "patient".  I guess that means that.. if you're being
impatient.. most likely.. you're not showing real love to the people around
you.  You are very likely putting your time and efforts ahead of those in
front of you who need your help.. and are refusing to realize that "as much
as you do it unto the least of these, you've done it unto Me(Jesus)".  This
doesn't mean that patience doesn't run out, however.  Even God has His
limits.. And Godly patience has limits in people too.  You eventually do have
to wean your child from his mother.. no matter how much he likes her milk.
And we all have to grow.. as the Bible says.. "from glory to glory".  But
with growth do come the ever 'fun' "growing pains".  It's not easy to grow
up.  And in today's society.. where it's not only cooth.. but.. the status
quo to hold onto immature thinking and living.. and where pain is mocked and
thought of as "devilish".. it's almost always a "Forget You!" when we're told
we have to experience discomfort in order to get to where we need to be --
*ESPECIALLY* when the pains are in the heart.. and not just physical.
   So.. a word to you who are hurting cuz of those who are nasty when they
correct you.. or whom seem so.  Maybe you have some pains in your heart which
you need to turn over to God.. so He can help you let go of the pain.. and
heal you (and beLIEVE me.. He can.. and does heal!).  Oh it may take time..
but.. He works with us.  He doesn't expect us to be perfect.. but He *does*
desire us to be wholehearted and love Him with all we can and are.
   And a word to you who are correcting people all the time.  Be very
cautious.. When you are always telling people how they're wrong, and don't
have others who can check up on you.. then you can end up running off on a
tangent to the truth.. and lead many into heresy.  Plus... take a look at
your own heart.  God *wants* you to hold onto Him.. not onto your abilities
or knowledge.  He wants your security to be in Him.. not in things or ideas.
He wants you to find the real peace that only He can bring.. when you trust
in Him.
   Reproof is not a sin.  Rebuking without a tender heart unto the person
you're rebuking *is*.  As is thinking "I don't need to listen.. I know this
already".  It's very dangerous to run so far away from correction that we
don't let it happen to us anymore.  I oughta know.  I've been through a lot
of churches and 2 trips to the mental ward by the time I was 27.  I know it's
tough.. I know it's difficult to take... and I also know it's tough to handle
reproof for one more reason -- our flesh *hates* it.  It's *good* to give
Godly reproof.. but our sinful hearts *hate* it.. cuz it makes us have to
acknowledge our own sin.. and if there's one thing this world hates.. it's
weakness.  But God not only doesn't hate weakness.. He uses it to bring
Himself even more glory!  He will be the complement to your lack of
strength.. and fill you up so much that you can't begin to imagine the joy
and love you'll find in your heart.  But they only show up when we admit when
we're wrong.. and allow ourselves to be corrected.
   One final note.  I grew up.. with now and then people telling me, "You're
never wrong.. are you?"  I hated that phrase.  I still do.  I know that part
of the reason I got this is cuz I depended so much on my knowledge and
understanding that it was my way of waging war against untruth.. and many
people simply weren't all that into listening or taking their lives seriously
enough to want what I had to say.  People, as you probably know, love to
simply kick back.. relax.. and not do anything.  It's our nature to be lazy..
to not work for what we can.. if we can get it without effort.  And in
today's society.. that idea is fed on every corner.  Entertainment of all
types is everywhere.  Entertainment has become our 'god'.. whether food or TV
or movies or sports or what have you.. we try to find our peace and
fulfillment in lives through these practices.. and not by giving our lives to
the One who gave them to us in the first place.  And the only way out is to
embrace that which is uncomfortable.. (oh.. no way!!) and let ourselves be
corrected when we're wrong.  After all.. Jesus' first message was "Repent"..
or.. one of correction and admonishment to change our ways.  And if Jesus
told people that they needed correction then.. why not now?